What To Say When A Toxic Family Member Dies. ‍ What to Say: Simple and Sincere Phrases Words can’t ta

‍ What to Say: Simple and Sincere Phrases Words can’t take away grief, but they can help ease the weight of it. Apr 29, 2024 · We share what to say when someone dies and what to avoid telling a grieving person. After all, they’re family, and doesn’t the Bible say to honor your father and mother? But what happens when family members are manipulative, abusive, or consistently destructive to your mental health and spiritual well-being? What do you do when the people who should […] Mar 31, 2025 · How to deal with a toxic parent, sibling, or other family member Written by Nicole P. Whether you choose a formal or informal approach, remember to prioritize your well-being and set clear boundaries. How comfortable are you with the topics of death and dying? As a culture, Americans are relatively uncomfortable with talking about death and dying until it absolutely needs to be discussed. Dec 7, 2015 · Many people avoid talking to someone whose loved one has just died – from cancer or other causes – because it makes them feel uncomfortable and they are not sure of what to say. Aug 16, 2023 · Limit or avoid time with toxic family members as much as possible. Knowing what to say when someone dies can be difficult. ” “Your relative is in my thoughts. Jun 20, 2019 · When someone you care about is grieving, finding the right words can feel overwhelming. For some, family dynamics are downright unhealthy, or even dangerous. Here are 6 tips for dealing with a toxic family member. A show. Discover 7 powerful strategies to set boundaries, reduce stress, and protect your well-being. May 29, 2024 · In this blog, you’ll discover what psychiatrists say are the worst things to say to someone who’s grieving as well as some of the best things you can say. Jul 24, 2024 · It’s hard to summon any words when someone dies—let alone the right ones. In fact, there are a few things I need to say. Dec 28, 2022 · A loved one passing is never easy, but in toxic family systems, there are some unique difficulties. A scam. Whether you're comforting a friend, family member, or colleague, you’ll find examples of what to say, what to avoid, and how to offer ongoing care. It’s ok to struggle with it, and it’s ok not to know what to say. Editorial Team at Headspace Published Mar 31, 2025 Reviewed by Camille Reeves Mental Health Coach at Headspace CBS News offers breaking news coverage of today's top headlines. Apr 9, 2021 · Not every family fits the happy, loving ideal. Learn how to spot toxic behavior, shed guilt, put up boundaries, and keep Toxic family members are detrimental to your happiness. Sep 30, 2024 · We don't choose out family but we spend a lot of time with them, so what if they're toxic? This article is about how to deal with toxic family members. Remember, the goal isn’t to provide answers or silver linings. Apr 7, 2025 · Dealing with toxic family can be super complicated, so here’s what two therapists recommend to protect your peace. Dealing with the passing of a toxic family member isn’t as easy as lowering them into the ground and walking away. Here's how to cope when you get asked insensitive questions and more. Apr 28, 2022 · Up close and personal, toxic family members may be your parents, your siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and anyone distantly related to any of them. uk: ‘It is perfectly normal to feel relieved, numb, indifferent or even glad when a family member dies. Aug 20, 2025 · Finding the right words to say when someone dies is never easy. The most important thing is to be supportive and be there for the person who is grieving. Nov 6, 2020 · I don’t feel sad that my grandmother -- someone who knew exactly what her husband was doing because I wasn’t the only one that came forward -- is gone. Whenever you have dinner with a happy family or watch one on television, you get a little jealous. Feb 10, 2022 · Dealing with the death of a toxic family member. Mar 30, 2015 · But what should you say to someone who's lost a family member? The answer isn't always clear, but I can certainly contest that there are some things you definitely shouldn't say to a grieving person. I’m feeling those pangs now. Here are 11 signs you have a toxic family member and 5 ways to deal with them. A lil back story I work full time have 3 children a huge family and commitments to kids clubs, etc. Nov 12, 2020 · While every dysfunctional family is unique, there are nonetheless broad patterns that can help adult children of toxic parents navigate the course. But, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. What to expect when cutting ties with toxic family & how to cope when family hurts you. My mum has two Dec 22, 2025 · Not sure what to say when someone dies? Use these heartfelt condolence messages for texts, sympathy cards, emails, and coworkers—plus what not to say, how to offer real help, and thoughtful follow-ups after the funeral. Mar 23, 2015 · Struggling with toxic family members, narcissistic abuse, or spiritual trauma? Learn when walking away is not only vital for healing but aligned with biblical truth. Lou LaGrand It is not uncommon, when coping with great losses, to have a well-meaning friend, acquaintance, or family member say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Practice techniques to help cope with difficult situations, such as meditation and relaxation. Jan 5, 2026 · Condolence text message templates for friends, family, and coworkers—plus what not to say, timing tips, and “how can I help?” lines. ” What you can do, and should say instead That list of what not to say includes many people’s go-to lines. ” When a difficult or harmful person has died, Leder urges survivors to “seek a way to say difficult things about someone that those in the know will recognize as truth yet those on the outside will simply perceive as a benign observation…” When someone who hurt you dies, you are under no obligation to present a eulogy. When someone passes away—whether a friend, family member, colleague, or someone you knew from afar—it can be difficult to express how you feel. How to grieve when a toxic family member/person dies? This is more of a general question and not to go into too much detail, but wanted to know how do people grieve a person that has been toxic and has hurt you and/or your loved ones? You still love that person/feel connection to that person because they are family or was once a friend. Oct 25, 2019 · Having a toxic family can have a long-term effects on your well-being. They may talk about taking a trip or activities related to travel, such as packing a suitcase or getting on a plane. Toxic people can destroy your life. “Grief is a natural response to the death of a loved one. ” Estrangement splinters families, sometimes even more so after death. Should they say goodbye? Attend the funeral? Send flowers? Feb 10, 2025 · Discover proper funeral etiquette for handling the death of estranged family members. Individuals may feel confusion, shame, frustration, and even anger when a toxic parent dies. A must-read for survivors seeking peace, freedom, and self-worth. Nov 23, 2025 · Learn how to cope with the grief of losing a family member using emotional support, expressions, and practical steps for finding peace and healing. Cutting ties with toxic family is difficult; sometimes it's the only way to heal emotional pain caused by toxic or abusive family. Jun 12, 2019 · When you say goodbye to a toxic family member, you think about them more often than you would like to admit. So what happens when the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally consistently harm you? The idea of cutting off family can feel extreme — even taboo — but sometimes, it’s the Oct 31, 2019 · We asked grief experts, therapists, and authors what to say when someone dies, including what to write in a sympathy card and other ways you can help friends and acquaintances when someone they know is grieving. Apr 21, 2025 · When we think of “family,” we often imagine unconditional love, safety, and support. This is normal. Some comforting words to say include: “I’m so sorry to hear about your family member. 3 days ago · What to say when someone dies—practical condolence message examples for texts and cards, what not to say to someone grieving, and specific ways to offer help without pressure. Learn how to recognize toxic family dynamics and how to respond. Feb 14, 2019 · So it helps to be given permission for the feelings you have. Apr 3, 2025 · Finding the right words to say goodbye isn’t always easy. Explore how complex PTSD, emotional abuse, childhood trauma, and faith reveal that sometimes, God does say let go. Jan 12, 2026 · In reality, you shouldn't have to accept being treated poorly by someone because they're your family. Jan 19, 2024 · I am new here, so hello and please excuse the long message. But for many, family is also the source of emotional distress, manipulation, and lasting psychological wounds. Apr 8, 2016 · Letting go is hard, but especially when it's family. Learn how to manage complex emotions and decisions with grace and safety. Read more now. They’re allowed to miss, grieve, and love the family they sever all ties with as well. Jan 26, 2024 · When an abusive person dies, those who they harmed are met with a range of difficult, often conflicting, emotions, including relief, guilt, and sadness. ” “I am here for you. Sharing your condolences lets them know you care Dec 22, 2023 · When a Toxic Parent Dies My father died several months ago (apparently) as my sister and I were not informed of his passing until all the legal machinations were put in place. Here's how to recognize one and improve or heal from the situation, per therapists. Sep 24, 2013 · By: Dr. Grief is different for everyone. The problem is, in a society that struggles to sit with negative emotions, many of us don’t know what to do when a friend or family member is experiencing loss. We offer a few tips on what to say when someone dies and how to be a good listener. The death of a family member by suicide can have a profound effect on survivors. Sep 24, 2024 · Near death awareness: Your loved one may tell you they will die soon or say they soon will be able to see God, another religious figure, or beloved family members and friends who have preceded them in death. Sep 16, 2020 · spiritual development. The guilt hits you every time you consider limiting contact with them. Jan 19, 2023 · Knowing what to say when someone dies - be it to a friend, family member, colleague or anyone who has lost someone dear to them - is an incredibly sensitive topic. It can often make the grief even more painful to bear. I understand you’re upset (though, I’m not Dec 10, 2025 · When someone you care about has lost a loved one, it can be hard to know what to say when sending condolences. Losing a parent is a highly emotional time for a child at any age. Then my half/dad died and my mom move clear across the United States and lives less than a mile away. Allow yourself to feel each emotion, from sadness, guilt, loss, anger and remorse; even loving relationships usually hold some regrets! Don’t expect the narcissistic, gossiping members of a family to care what the mistreated members feel or think. I have chosen not to see them as they constantly violate my boundaries and only seem capable of toxic interaction. Identifying what to say to your family or friends when someone is dying means you must confront your own discomfort with the topic of death and dying. ” These comparisons are meant to make you feel ashamed and doubt yourself, but don’t let that happen. . The decision of whether or not to attend the funeral is one that only you can make, and based only on your particular circumstances. co. Aug 14, 2025 · We hope we never have to, but eventually, we all have to be there for someone after their loved one passes away. Oct 18, 2020 · When A Toxic Family Member Dies, You Don’t Have To Mourn Posted on October 18, 2020 by Sue Diane Rosenbloom, CT, MA Oct 23, 2025 · In toxic family dynamics, these traits are often inextricable from the family members who treated them so poorly. You need closure? Make arrangements with the funeral home to view the body before or after regular visiting hours so you avoid family and have a few private moments to speak your mind to the deceased. Death of an estranged parent Dealing with the death of a toxic and/or estranged parent can feel uniquely difficult. Do you have any advice for me on letting her in without feeling angry? We'll trade. Find the right words on what to say when someone dies. Learn what to say when someone passes on the Dignity Memorial website now. All of these are normal. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. What does it mean to be toxic? Jun 30, 2025 · Struggling with family member disrespect? Discover how to set boundaries and deal with family members effectively with these practical communication tips. Or visit the grave a few days Mar 2, 2021 · Letting go of (or breaking up with) a toxic friend, boyfriend or girlfriend is one thing, and there’s plenty of advice out there for doing so, but what about letting go of a toxic family member? Mar 17, 2023 · A toxic family or toxic household is one wherein family members regularly display actions that hurt or otherwise negatively affect each other. Jun 27, 2018 · Losing a loved one can make you not like people for a while. Sep 24, 2013 · Grief experts say people affected by the death of a less-than-loved one often have much more unfinished emotional business, and that business starts with forgiveness of a sort. Nov 22, 2023 · Grieving Whatever the decision you make regarding your estranged family member, give yourself permission to grieve before and after they die – just as close family members would. Feb 10, 2025 · Find the right words to say when someone dies unexpectedly. Jan 26, 2022 · Sharing words of condolence when a family or friend is dying is one of many ways to be there for them when death shakes their core. Jan 12, 2025 · Discover compassionate messages to offer support during times of loss. Consider the list of toxic behaviors below and how often you experience these issues with the family member in question. So what should you say? How to talk to someone when they are grieving One of the most helpful things you can do for someone who is grieving is be there to listen. Jun 25, 2023 · When you have an abusive family member and that member dies, one of the most common issues brought to mind is, “Do I go to the funeral?” Another feeling that engulfs people estranged from a deceased parent is “guilt” — guilt about what could or would have occurred had a different path been chosen. Sep 21, 2023 · Though emotions are sure to be high, the funeral is not the place to settle old scores. They’ll say things like, “You’re just like your deadbeat father” or “You’re turning out just like your crazy aunt. What can you even say in such a sad situation? There's no perfect or "right" thing to say, but you can comfort a person in May 1, 2024 · The death of a loved one is always difficult to bear. Protecting yourself from a toxic family member doesn’t make you as cold as stone, it acknowledges that you’re breakable and soft, so you’re going to feel the pangs of separation. When a loved one is grieving a death, you want to do anything you can to help them feel better. Jan 28, 2025 · I will say that during that time until now, and I'm close to 60, my family forgot about me. Local news, sports, business, politics, entertainment, travel, restaurants and opinion for Seattle and the Pacific Northwest. Learn 10 helpful tips for cutting off toxic family members, setting boundaries, and protecting your emotional well-being. ” Dec 16, 2020 · So toxic, that when I recognized my own codependency issues after my divorce a few years ago, I removed myself completely from family functions. Jul 20, 2025 · Comforting Words for Family When Someone Is Dying Grief counselor Michaela Hudson recommends spending as much time as you can with the family to express your love and care. I hope this helps those who may be experiencing a toxic and estranged relationship with a family member with whom they had once been close. Aug 8, 2022 · And though experts say there’s no right or wrong way to mourn someone, when the person who died is someone you had conflicted feelings about ― say, a toxic parent, or an ex-spouse with whom you begrudgingly co-parented for years ― it’s easy to feel like you’re doing it wrong. Feb 5, 2018 · Saying goodbye to a toxic family member is a difficult but necessary step for personal growth and emotional well-being. They may tell you that you need to take a specific action or that it is time to make a particular change and start getting back to being your old self. A short rest in peace message can offer comfort, respect, and remembrance, even when words are few. Dec 22, 2022 · Lean on your support system and chosen family for help as you work to separate yourself from the toxic family member or members: Contrary to popular belief, your given family is not the only place from which you can draw unconditional support and positive regard. And she acts like everything is fine. Toxic family members drain your energy and hijack your peace. Feb 2, 2017 · When someone dies who you had a complicated relationship with, it isn't always obvious how you should feel or respond in your grief. If you don't learn to control them, they will consume you until you are nothing more than a shadow of your former self. Apr 10, 2023 · The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. Learn expressions that provide comfort and support in times of sudden loss. Jul 20, 2020 · For the purposes of this article, I am going to focus on what to do if you are the person who has been cut off by another family member. Knowing how to deal with toxic family members will save your emotional well-being. Jun 13, 2025 · Discover tips and strategies for dealing with a toxic family member. Stay informed on the biggest new stories with our balanced, trustworthy reporting. May 3, 2017 · Dear Toxic Family Member, I know you’re not speaking to me right now (again) because of the whole silent treatment thing (again). But it's important to say something. I see my mom, but that is my only connection to that extended family currently. My mum passed 2 am days before Christmas, she had cancer but her treatment was supposedly working? She died suddenly and it completely broke me. Jun 30, 2025 · Learn what to say when a family member dies with heartfelt examples, supportive phrases, and kind ways to offer comfort. Oct 18, 2019 · This is a tough question and I dont have a one-size-fits-all answer. Here are the four most important things to remember after suffering a loss. Learn the signs, shut down the guilt trips, and take back control of your life before you drown. Nov 2, 2022 · Counselling Directory member Sedef Salim tells Metro. Mum was only ill for 3 months so it all felt like it happened so fast. Arguments and rifts between family members before and after someone dies can be very difficult to manage. If you know someone who’s in mourning, you may want to offer some comforting words. Learn how to carry out your parent's wishes and avoid family conflict with this guide. This article offers practical, compassionate guidance on what to say—and how to listen—after a death Apr 28, 2022 · Up close and personal, toxic family members may be your parents, your siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and anyone distantly related to any of them. Apr 5, 2021 · I’d spent all 25 years of my life holding my breath, waiting for the next unpredictable thing he would do or say. It manifests itself differently in different people and no one person’s experience of grief is the same. I guess you could say all this silence has really left me alone with my thoughts. Whenever you tell stories about your childhood, you leave out certain details you aren’t ready to relive. Mar 14, 2024 · Toxic family members love to compare you to other relatives, especially those with negative traits or reputations. You may want to adapt what you say depending on when the person died. They will need positive support from others and time to heal. First, I’m tired of the emotional games. Sep 4, 2025 · When someone you love experiences a loss, it can be hard to find the right words to console them. Nov 15, 2024 · A toxic family member can weigh on your mental health. Sep 23, 2025 · Toxic family members can drain your energy and affect your mental health. Experts also weigh in on the best way to comfort loved ones. Learn to navigate difficult toxic relationships, setting boundaries and effective communication. As a result, it can be disturbing and traumatizing to discover those traits in oneself, especially if they’re due to genetics rather than personal choice. Jul 1, 2024 · Learn how to identify toxic family members, recognize signs of toxicity, and find tips to deal with these relationships effectively, including when to walk away. Read on to learn more about recognizing toxic behavior in your relatives, distancing yourself from family members, and getting support from a licensed therapist. Sep 6, 2010 · If you’re not comfortable asking the family member in charge of planning the funeral about these issues, phone the funeral director and explain your situation. I have never seen anybody in so much emotional pain as when hearing a story about how their daughter, mother, sister, or any other close family member has stopped talking with them. Learn what to say when someone dies, and 9 ways to show your support.

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